Let’s talk about sex, baby
Let’s talk about you and me
Let’s talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let’s talk about sex.
While the song penned above in 1990 by hi-hop band “Salt-n-Papa was a smash hit, sometimes our communication with our partners may totally miss the mark. So understanding your partners Life Language may be the secret to unlocking a beautiful relationship.
Let’s took at the different Life Languages and how each approach sex and intimacy…
Of the speakers of all the languages, Responders, both the men and the women, tend to be the most sensitive lovers. They want their mates to share their feelings and listen to them with emotional understanding throughout the day in order for them to be emotionally prepared for intimate sexual moments. Romantic atmospheres with music, soft lights, planned evenings, and lots of reassurance, holding, and cuddling are vital to meaningful intimate moments with mates.
Responders have difficulty being intimate and romantic when they do not feel like it. It is hard for them to learn that they can make a decision to be sexually intimate, even if they are tired or not in a good mood. Sexual communication, like verbal communication, takes commitment and conscious decision.
Responders, both men and women, like to be held sometimes rather than being sexually intimate. Because they respond to people and life with strong emotions, responders can sometimes be sexually tempted. They are usually responding to persons who need love or understanding. The emotional attraction is Responders desire to meet the other people’s needs, not necessarily a sexual attraction. However, before they know it, they can find themselves in a compromising situation. Responders need predetermined guidelines that are safety nets for themselves.
For instance, we have a Responder friend who is businessman. A personal guideline is that he will never close the door to his office when his secretary is in the room with him. He never takes his secretary to lunch alone, even if it is Secretaries Day or her birthday. Through the years, he has had some secretaries who were young and some who were old enough to be his mother, but he treated them all the same. He is a wise man because he knows that he is vulnerable to emotional situations, and he does not want to take any chances with his spiritual life.
Responders so naturally demonstrate their affection freely that they can be misunderstood by the opposite sex. Their hugs can be seen as come-ons, and their touching can be considered sexual advances. Though Responders may mean no such thing, people of other behavioural styles may be misled by Responders reach out and touch someone approach to life. So, Responders often need to take one step back from their natural tendency to avoid leaving wrong impressions.
Because this is an emotive language Influencers feelings need to be activated for meaningful sexual activities. They like to hear words of love and affirmation, and they need to feel connected emotionally during sexual interplay with their mates. Both men and women Influencers respond well to being held, cuddled, and talked to affirmingly and affectionately.
Because of Influencers need to talk, to understand, and to be understood, they usually talk or can learn to talk about sex, and they can be comfortably open about the subject.
Influencers must guard their hearts with genuine love and respect of the Lord, hate evil, and flee sexual temptation. Because the emotions are activated first, speakers of this emotive language can respond inappropriately to sexual temptation, thinking it is just a game and that they can handle it. They may find out too late that they are too close to the edge. Influencers must operate in the reality that the only safe way to handle temptation is to flee. The fact that they feel and then immediately think can be their saving grace because once they check their reasoning and logic, they will usually come back to the safety of their convictions.
Shapers are not prone to have affairs. They control their expressions of emotions, and having sex outside of marriage would not fit into their long-range spiritual goals. Shapers can get so organised and focused on other goals that they forget to stop and enjoy life, including having sex with their mates. They may need sexual reminders from their mates. However, once they are given an obvious reminder, they will emotionally and sexually respond and pursue excellence in all they do.
Because of their need for approval, Shapers need nurturing and reassurance. They need reminders that spouses are for them and that they can trust spouses. And because they can be verbal and action oriented, they need to be both told and shown that spouses love them dearly. Words and actions are vital to their living and understand love.
Doers are not by nature prone to romantic settings or romantic words and music. To them, sex is a practical need, although pleasurable and important. They certainly do not mind if the mood is romantic, but they would probably not think to set that mood themselves, and it would not be especially needed. So the Doer, if married to someone who wants more romance, must learn to incorporate romance into intimate moments. Doers must realise that if it is important to their mates, they should make an effort to be romantic.
Mates of Doers need to realise that lack of romance, originality, and lair in their intimate moments and sexual activities does not mean lack of love, interest, or pleasure. If it is important to you, be open and express that need, but do it in a practical, non-emotional, or non-accusatory way. Doers do not respond well to emotional outbursts. Once they understand the benefits of strengthening the sexual intimacy, they will respond to that need.
Contemplators are sensitive and attentive lovers. They like the specialness of the moment, and they invest quality time, thought, and feelings in sexual experiences with their mates. Contemplators may be difficult to converse with at times, but they make up for it by being responsive and sensitive sexual communicators. The contemplator husband tends to be patient and gentle with his wife to make her feel very special and loved. The Contemplator wife will be very attentive to her husband and will let him know that he is preferred and revered.
Are Contemplators susceptible to sexual temptation? When they are operating in their intellectual, logical, and analytical mode, no. It would not be a logical or practical thing to do. However, many times college professors, psychologists, counsellors, or ministers who are Contemplators fall into this temptation trap if there is exposure to temptation along with the denial of their vulnerability and neediness. They usually are safe from giving in to this temptation because of their love of biblical truths and principles. Also, close, harmonious, and covenant marriages with mates, who purpose to stay close and attentive to them, will keep Contemplators out of harms way.
Producers will see their marital relationships as opportunities to give, and this attitude will usually extend to their sexual relationships with their mates. This is first of all a cognitive language, but that is closely followed by their feelings, and they like to show love, care, and concern. They make their mates feel loved and cherished by being sensitive to the intimate needs of their mates. They desire to meet or respond to their mates needs by giving whatever their mates require.
Producers can become overextended if they have not developed healthy boundaries. They generally think things through first, and keep their emotions in check so they resist temptation better than most types.
Movers can be exciting lovers because they tend to act, then feel. With their activated feelings they are very comfortable in giving and receiving sexual love. Because marital sex involves so much more than what goes on in the bedroom, Movers need to receive approval for who they are from their mates throughout the day, to know that they are special, significant, and loved. This approval gives them security to help them overcome their tendency to be hard on them-selves and have low self-esteem, even about their lovemaking. Movers need to acknowledge this characteristic and take personal responsibility, and not put excessive expectations on their mates to meet all their needs Movers can flourish into sensitive, caring, committed mates and lovers. They like change, excitement and romance.
Movers typically resist sexual temptations because of their strong convictions and sense of right and wrong. They place great importance on commitment, which gives them built-in protection from relationships outside marriage. However, if they are not protected by strong biblical convictions, Movers can get involved before they realise it since they act, feel and later think. They later suffer great remorse and guilt, even if all they do is entertain the idea of giving in to the sexual temptation. Movers would probably confess the extramarital affair to their mates and ask for forgiveness. Movers may withhold sex as a form of punishment, but it would be difficult for them to do this long.
Did you get a glimpse into you, and perhaps your partners Life Language? Want to know more? Then take the Life Languages test today for just US$45 to discover exactly which language you are both speaking. Here is the link to do so: Complete Questionnaire Now
For more information on Life Languages for relationships, career or teams, please contact me on 1300 058 929 or email: firstname.lastname@example.org.
If you found this article helpful, please share it with your connections. I’d love to hear from you too… please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂
Wes Leake is People Builder, Spiritual Coach, Entrepreneur Releaser, Author and Speaker.
The information in this article was taken from Speaking of Love By Fred & Anna Kendall the creators of the Life Language profile.